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Wednesday, December 05, 2007

PRINT MEDIUMS AND FLAME WARS

This is Steven Petrick writing.

One the things that people need to understand is that general communication is often accompanied by visual and audio cues. We grasp that the other member of a conversation is not trying to be offensive, or challenging, based on his or her expression, general posture, and the tone and volume of their voices. All of these are missing from messages posted on a bulletin board or, indeed, in any merely "print" medium. If you read an author's work in a body of fiction, the author has to use more words to set the stage. The author must tell you that the speaker has leaned in (an aggressive posture), taken a harsh tone to his or her voice, perhaps lowered his or her voice to a "sibilant hiss of menace".

In an exchange on a bulletin board things depend on word choices. Worse, due to the great variance in levels of education, regional variations, and other background factors, mere word choice can be seen by the reader to be challenging, or derogatory, or simply offensive. The result can be a minor disagreement mushrooming into a major fight in which emotion comes into play preventing any reasoned discussion, and soon any rational resolution of the disagreement.

The hard thing to do is try to be the peacemaker, not even peacemaker, but simply a mediator of your own disagreement. If someone posts text that causes your own hackles to rise, at least have the courtesy to ask if their statement is actually what they meant to say.

People sometimes post in a rush because they have other things to do. This can cause them to not think their word choices through while you have the liberty of reading what they wrote, and re-reading it, and in your own mind through the prisms of your own background you mentally assign a tone and a posture to it.

No matter how much a missive seems to be geared towards belittling or insulting or otherwise disrespectful, if it does not absolutely include a statement (and sometimes even when it does) you might first ask if being harmful was intended.

Sometimes someone might call you a "moron" literally, but the person might be presuming on your prior communications and assuming that you will realize that it is a jest, intended as harmless jape among friends.

It is all to easy to explode in righteous indignation. Take a moment to draw a breath, think the matter through, and ask.

You might avoid losing your best friend on the internet because in a rush he or she forgot to include a "Smiley Face" icon or simply to add the word "Smile" after a particular line of text.

People get distracted or busy and things get posted that are not meant.

Never post in the heat of an emotional moment, and if you can, consider the other person or persons before you do post.

It does not hurt to ask someone if they meant to be insulting. They might reply with an embarrassed note that it was not their intention.

It costs you a few seconds of time to ask such a question, and could save you endless hours of burning up in anger for a slight that was not intended and avoid the loss of a friend.